After a few decades living quietly in Irvine, California, the Son of Man, Jesus Christ, decided that it was time to make his public re-appearance.
Orange County, just south of Los Angeles, had been kind to Him: the weather was consistently warm, Whole Foods and Trader Joe's were a short drive away in His Prius, and Newport Beach offered world-class waves, but he was becoming complacent. The Son of Man's massage and aromatherapy clinic (motto: "The right hand knows what the left hand is doing.") was just as successful as ever, but banishing Crohn's Disease from the bowels of retired investment bankers no longer gave him the satisfaction that it used to. Not even turning bottled water into Armand de Brignac champagne for guests at Kobe Bryant's backyard barbeques was fun anymore. Life was perfect, fun, but empty. It was time to give back.
Pope Francis was happily eating a cheeseburger and joking with priests and nuns in the Vatican cafeteria. Raucous laughter erupted each time the Holy Father shared one of his terrible puns. The Pope's personal secretary, Georg, was seated next to His Holiness, patiently waiting for him to finish eating. Georg was secretly relieved to take an urgent call on his phone. He excused himself and returned to whisper discreetly in the Bishop of Rome's ear in between rounds of laughter. The color drained from his face. He, too excused himself, and took the phone from Georg's shaking hands.
«¿Hola? Habla Jorge.»
(Hello? This is Jorge.)
...
«¡No me digas! ¡Qué milagro! ¿Desde cuando?»
(You're kidding! What a miracle! Since when?)
...
«¡Por supuesto que sí! Sólo déjame hacer unas llamaditas-»
(Of course! Just let me make a few calls-)
...
«,,,pues, él tampoco me ha caído bien, es muy arrogante.»
(... well, I never liked him either, he's very arrogant...)
...
«No, no, no, no. No te molestes, nosotros vamos para allá. Nos encanta la playa. »
(No, no, no, no. Don't bother with that, we'll go. We love the beach.)
...
«Jajaja... vale pues. ¡Ciao!»
(Hahaha, ok then. Ciao!)
The former cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio slapped George on his back and with a bigger smile than usual said,
«¡Ha vuelto!»
(He's back!)
