Even though the American news networks would have done better to classify it as a freak occurrence, the attacks on small fishing vessels in the Atlantic by a squid were instead covered as a declaration of war by intelligent marine life.
It had been a slow news week.
A few frightened fishermen from the city had spotted a tentacled something arc out of the water, propelled by a stream of water. As it approached their boat, one of the men lost his balance and fell into the water. The cephalopod landed in front of the boat, and the men hurried to help their friend to safety. As they pulled him out, a tentacle shot out of the water and swiftly wrapped itself around the man's neck. The rubbery tentacle bulged, a loud snap, the man went limp, and his body disappeared under the surface. It had all happened in the span of two minutes.
They wanted to retaliate and so enlisted the help of the local fishermen. However, squid were an important part of the seafront economy and a sudden abundance of them would drive calamari prices down- the last thing struggling restauranteurs needed. Destroying them was also out of the question because tourists favored the region for its steady supply of affordable, delicious cephalopods. Since jellyfish were not an integral part of the local economy, nobody really understood them anyway, and once in a while, someone even got stung, they made the perfect target.
The fishermen went national with the story, which was a complete fabrication. Not only had no jellyfish been involved, but their friend had actually been strangled after he claimed he claimed that had had an affair with the wife of the one of group's members. But, when Fox News picked up the piece, millions of jellyfish wound up dead along the shores of the country.
The population of jellyfish recovered when a Republican congressman was revealed to have been Lady Gaga.
