I think I want to start a newspaper here at I-House. But I have to separate that from my emotions, which right now are mostly about Linguistics. To me it seems that Linguistics is separated from me, and the real world and it is reactionary. That is, my concept of it, how it plays out in my head, its representations and manifestations, reacts to my decisions. I don't think I want to play that game anymore. In fact, I don't think I want to play any more games like that, especially when it's about something so big, like my college major. I don't know enough or possibly even care enough about linguistics as a field to do things to it. Because when I visualize a field I visualize an environment, some place where I can be free, participate and affect other people. I don't want to feel like I'm only helping out other researchers. I need to stay connected to a lot of people. Academia could be very cushy, but I'm not sure I want to live out, I'm thinking, my mom's idea of what my life should be. I'm not saying it's wrong, it could be right for someone else, but me, I'm not about the money. Everything I've had as far as money goes, God's given to me, and to say that he won't keep helping me out is a lie.
But I need to wait. My prerogative, my very own declaration of independence is still under construction, but I feel it, and I know it that the time will come when it will all be justified, and I will be free. This is a special time in my life, this construction period. And the truths that have been revealed to me, and I attribute them to the Holy Spirit, and I thank him for that, are just nuclear. For example, Christ as the enemy of religion, Christ as liberator, and -this just in- Christ as redeemer. He redeems, like when you go to a store with a coupon and you get it redeemed for the goods, he redeems lives. Like our lives are coupons... oh man... I better align myself to something that will pay off big dividends, but not so that I get rich, but so that others may get rich, and if I get rich, it will only be because God wanted me to. I think journalism's going to do that for me.
There will always be the hunt for another Watergate, but that's not the point of journalism. It's not an easy profession, but it's something I'm happy to work at. I just need to remember when to take a break and how to pace myself. But yeah, it's something I like to do all the time. All the time. All the time. I'm doing it all the time. And I love it. I've made a web page, I visit news blogs, and political blogs. I think I need to specialize in something, though what I'm good at is analyzing things, bringing them together and putting them into focus. Maybe like Thomas Friedman. If it's History I have to learn, I'll learn it. But I have to remember that it's like reading, I can't just study History for it's own sake, but rather to put things into perspective, my perspective. But I have my own personal concept of the world that I'm not sure relates to society as a whole. But if I identify myself as a member of society, either as educate or disabled or Latino or a student, then I might have a better understanding of the world. I'm not an island unto myself, even though my ears might keep me from coming too close to fast-paced or hushed conversational tones. There are many kind of students here at Cal, some are here to party, others are here to churn churn churn away at their major and never see the light of day. But within those two extremes, there is a spectrum of students that relate to things other than classes or midterms. This is the real world, only in a classroom setting. We may not work at a store but we spend time where we think it matters. We may not be right all the time, but some of us care sometimes at least to making the effort. It's like that song Bright Eyes sings, “We're forced to memorize nine numbers and forget we have a soul.” I think I'm on the ride side of things. For once today, I woke up and I didn't fall back asleep. And as I bring this celebration of freedom to a close, no- I'll always be celebrating- as I bring this manifesto to a close, I'll just remember that we are all farmers. I've been entrusted with good works now, I've been entrusted with GOOD, and I know I have it. I'll just ask God for help in how to plant it and seed it so that it grows more bountifully.
